Gay London Life | Feb '26 Edition - Magazine - Page 46
Dear Maria Hurtz:
Valentine’s Advice with Heart, Humour & Heels
❤
This month, we’ve
handed your dilemmas
to a drag queen with
opinions. Meet Maria
Hurtz — celebrant,
truth-teller and Agony
Aunt in heels — serving
no-nonsense advice on
love, labels, weddings,
family drama and
Valentine’s spirals.
What Are We, Though?
like it pays rent, and knows your
I’ve been seeing someone for
friends… congratulations. You are
months. We text daily, sleep together,
functionally together.
and know each other’s friends - but
Try something light but
Welcome to the showdown: Studio
intentional: “Fancy doing something
54 Spectacular vs Intimate Woodland
for Valentine’s?”
Moment. Both valid. Both fabulous.
If he panics, that’s useful; if he’s
This isn’t about the wedding - it’s
delighted, it’s also useful. And if he
about being seen. A big queer
says, “I don’t really do Valentine’s,”
blow-out often represents visibility,
well… answer received.
pride and history corrected. Wanting
Months of daily texts, shared
something small often comes from
beds and shared mates isn’t a
valuing intimacy and safety. Neither of
mystery - it’s a relationship with a fear
you is wrong.
of labels. So yes, suggest the date.
So separate meaning from
If your heart races as you send the
logistics. Ask each other what the
text? Good. That means it matters.
wedding represents emotionally - not
❤
Engaged… and Slightly Panicking
My partner proposed and I said yes
- but now they’re deep into wedding
planning and I’m feeling overwhelmed
rather than excited. I love them, I want
to get married… I just need a minute. Is
that a red flag?
Simon, Vauxhall
how many guests.
Suggesting a Valentine’s date
Then build a two-act production:
An intimate ceremony that
feeds your soul, followed by a bigger
celebration where the joy gets loud.
Or do the legal bit quietly and the
celebrant-led wedding joyfully - best
of both worlds.
The moment someone says,
“I guess I’ll just go along with it,”
we’ve never defined anything.
is not a relationship proposal.
Oh Simon. Sit with Auntie Maria a
stop. That’s not compromise - it’s
Valentine’s Day is coming. Do I
It’s an invitation to eat carbs
moment.
resentment warming up backstage.
suggest a date, or is that basically a
under flattering lighting. What
Short answer: No - this is not a
relationship proposal at this point?
you’re really asking is whether
red flag. It’s a very normal reaction
you’re laying stronger foundations
Paul, Bromley
acknowledging what’s already
to realising you’ve just said yes
than any floral arch ever could.
happening will make things
to a lifetime commitment and a
Paul, my love - if it quacks like a
awkward - and yes, darling, it might.
spreadsheet full of chair covers.
couple, borrows your charger
But awkward is where clarity lives.
If you can negotiate this together,
❤
Out Everywhere Except Home
You can love someone deeply
I’m out at work and with friends, but
and still feel overwhelmed when the
not with my family. Valentine’s Day
second wedding planning begins.
always brings it up. I’m tired of editing
That’s not doubt - tha t’s your nervous
myself, but terrified of rocking the
system asking for a breather.
boat. How do I know when it’s time?
Cold feet sound like “I don’t
Samuel, Tooting
want this.”
Overwhelm sounds like “I
want this, but I’m not a production
company.”
tired.
There is no universal “right
If your partner is already knee-deep in
time” to come out. There is only
colour palettes while you’re still processing
your time, and it’s allowed to be
the proposal, that’s mismatched pacing -
cautious. Valentine’s Day has a way
and pacing can be fixed.
of spotlighting what we’re hiding,
Tell them you’re excited about
the marriage, but overwhelmed by
and that ache you feel is fatigue, not
failure.
the wedding. Ask for a pause, not a
It might be time when staying
cancellation. Planning a wedding isn’t
silent costs you more than speaking
a test of love - it’s a test of logistics,
up - but coming out is not a moral
and most people fail the seating plan.
obligation. It’s a personal decision
If you didn’t love them, you
shaped by safety and readiness.
wouldn’t be worried about getting
Ask yourself:
this right. Breathe. You’re not broken -
Are you dependent on them?
you’re just engaged.
Do you have support if it’s hard?
❤
Big Gay Wedding
vs Small Chill One
My partner wants a huge, loud,
joy-filled queer wedding. I want
something intimate and low-key.
Every planning chat turns tense. How
do we meet in the middle without
resenting each other?
Natacha, Croydon
46
Oh Samuel. You’re not weak - you’re
Do you want honesty - or just the
pressure to stop?
Sometimes the answer is telling
a safer person. Sometimes it’s setting
boundaries. Sometimes it’s not yet and that’s valid.
Rocking the boat is only brave if
you can swim afterwards. Be kind to
yourself. You don’t owe anyone your
truth on a Valentine’s deadline.
